He’s Quiet. He’s Coping. But Is He OK?
There’s a quiet pattern I’ve noticed over the years, in the men I love most.
I see it in the way some men in my life shut down when something’s clearly not right. How they’ll show up for everyone else, but ignore what their body and mind is trying to say. How they downplay exhaustion, push through pain, or make a joke out of something serious, because that feels easier than saying, “I’m not OK”. Not because they don’t care, but maybe because, somewhere along the line, they were taught to bury the hard stuff. To bottle it. Push through it. Never name it out loud.
And that silence? It’s not strength. It’s a wound we don’t talk about enough.
Now I’m a mother to a son. And I find myself thinking deeply about the messages I give him, even in the small moments. When he falls over and gets hurt, I try to be mindful of my words. I resist the urge to say “you’re ok” or “get up,” and instead ask, “Are you alright? Can you tell me what happened? What hurts?” I want him to know that he’s allowed to feel. That being sensitive isn’t weakness. That his emotions belong.
We’re raising our children in a different time. We need to do better with our knowledge.
I’ve spoken before about how open I try to be, not just with my kids, but with the men in my life. I’ve been on the listening end of hard conversations with my brother, my husband, my dad, and close male friends. And honestly, I feel a quiet kind of pride when they open up. When they let the guard down. Because I know that’s not easy.
Somewhere along the way, they were taught to suppress pain. To carry it alone. But here’s the truth: silence isn’t strength. Honesty is.
Suicide has hit far too close to home over the years and in every case, it’s been men. It’s terrifying. It’s heartbreaking. And it’s a stark reminder that we need to do better. We need to create space for these conversations before crisis hits.
So we’ve started asking different questions, like:
When was the last time you felt truly well?
Who do you talk to when you're not OK?
What does anxiety feel like in your body?
What would make it easier to ask for help?
What does strength mean to you now?
The kind of questions you can ask your mate, your brother, your son, your dad. Because sometimes, a simple “How are you really?” can open a door that’s been shut for years. And that small moment of care? It could go further than you think.
This isn’t about telling men how to be, it’s about reminding them they’re allowed to be. We can’t rewrite the past, but we can choose a different future, one where men don’t have to carry it all in silence. Where check-ups aren’t just for when things fall apart. Where “I’m fine” isn’t the end of the conversation. Where boys grow up knowing that feeling deeply isn’t weakness, it’s being human.
Thank you for reading,
Laura, Community and Brand Manager
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please know you’re not alone. Support is available. You can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for free, confidential support—24 hours a day.
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